The McIntyres are a lower middle class family composed of Anthony “Tony” Andrew McIntyre (b. 1952), Carol Marilyn McIntyre (b. 1949), Heather Lynn McIntyre (b. 1973), and Kelly Ann McIntyre (b. 1975). The McIntyres originated in the Northside of Chicago, IL, emigrating to Suburbia, South FL in 1983 where all four family members remained until founders Tony and Carol were bamboozled by Heather into moving to Charlotte, NC in 2007. Heather is the single, undivorced mother of son Ty Christopher Wright (b. 1996), and Kelly, married to Glenn Joseph Marthe (b. 1972) since 1998, is mother to Griffin Drew Marthe (b. 1999) and Keifer Moon Marthe (b. 2001). Both daughters reside in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

Resources

McIntyre, Anthony A., and Carol M. McIntyre. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Big Mistake! Carol Divorces Her Nice Jewish Childhood Sweetheart and Husband of Less Than One Year for Low Class Greek-Italian Hoodlum, Tony McIntyre ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1972.

McIntyre, Anthony A., Carol M. McIntyre, and Heather L. McIntyre. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Oops! Tony and Carol Have an Accident, and Carol Calls Her Newborn Baby Susan for a Month Because She Hates the Name Heather ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1973.

McIntyre, Anthony A., Carol M. McIntyre, Heather L. McIntyre, and Kelly A. McIntyre. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Oops, They Did It Again! Kelly is Conceived ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1974.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Cheating Bastard! Tony Has an Affair, Abandons the Family for Ten Days, and Carol Can’t Get Out of Bed the Entire Time, Leaving Family Members to Care for Heather and Kelly ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1979

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Irresponsibility Abounds! Tony and Carol, About to Claim Bankruptcy After Tony’s Bar Fails, Take a Month Long Vacation, Leaving Heather and Kelly Home With Paternal Grandmother ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1981.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. It’s Only a Movie! Tony and Carol Take Heather and Kelly to See Several Teen Sex Comedies and Cheech and Chong Movies, and Heather and Kelly Can’t Wait to Do Drugs and Have Sex ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1982.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Fat Ass! Kelly Cannot Fit in the Sergio Valente Jeans With the Purple Trim She Got for Christmas, Must Give Them to Heather, and Carol Jokingly Singsongs Fatty, Fatty, Two By Four to Her ed. Chicago: Nothing But Regret, 1982.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Failure! Tony is Unable to Find a Restaurant Job Anywhere in the Chicagoland Area, Uproots the Family, and Drags Them to Florida ed. Coral Springs: Nothing But Regret, 1983.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Fuck! They Did It Again! Tony and Carol Have an Unprecedented Number of Accidents, Carol Gets Abortion Number Three, and She Tells Heather and Kelly ed. Coral Springs: Nothing But Regret, 1984.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Temper, Temper! Tony Spends the Night in Jail after Punching His Boss and Is Unable to Find a Restaurant Job Anywhere in the Coral Springs Area, Uproots the Family, and Drags Them to Miramar ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1985.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Tony and Carol Experience Trouble When Kelly Begins Having Sex at Thirteen ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. The Horror Continues! Tony and Carol Don’t Talk to Kelly for a Week After Kelly Dyes Her Hair Black While Visiting a Relative in Chicago ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! Tony and Carol Learn of Kelly’s Rape after Snooping through Heather’s Purse and Reading a Note, Accuse Kelly of Lying, and Kelly is Institutionalized ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. My Turn! Heather Throws a Tantrum Because She’s Still a Virgin and Says She’s Going to Fuck the Next Guy Who Walks down the Street ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Not the Good Daughter! Heather Goes out for a Piece of Pizza at Six O’clock and Comes Home Nine Hours Later ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Sisterly Love Knows No Bounds! Heather Loses Her Virginity to an Actual Boyfriend While Kelly Is in the Room ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Lush! Kelly Gets Drunk, Passes Out in Her Own Vomit, and Has to Be Picked up by Tony ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. No Entry! Tony and Carol Take Away Heather and Kelly’s House Keys and Won’t Allow Them in after School ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Nosy Motherfuckers! Tony and Carol Awaken Kelly While Snooping through Her Room with a Flashlight in the Middle of the Night ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1988.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Leave Me Alone! Tony Gets a Computer and Further Alienates Himself from the Family ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1989.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Just Kidding! Tony and Carol Buy Kelly a Dog of Her Very Own, Return It a Few Days Later Without Telling Kelly, Feel Guilty and Get it Back, and Then Return it Again ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1989.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. But Heather is the Good Daughter! Tony and Carol Learn That Heather Intends to do LSD after Snooping through Heather’s Purse and Reading a Note, Accuse Heather of Being a Druggie, and Heather is Institutionalized ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1989.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Doggie Style! Tony Walks in on Kelly Having Sex When He Comes Home Early from Work ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1990.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Marriage Sucks! Tony and Carol Have Minimal Interaction ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1991.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. How Shocking! Tony and Carol Pick Kelly up from the Hospital after She is Hit by a Car Skipping School to See Her Boyfriend ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1991.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. The Conflict Escalates! Kelly Calls Carol a Cunt, Leaves the House, and Doesn’t Come Back for Over a Week ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1992.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Everybody’s Doing It! Heather and Kelly Start Doing Cocaine ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1992.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Decisions, Decisions! Kelly Gets Pregnant, Is Unsure Who the Father Is, and Gets an Abortion ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1992.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Freedom! Heather and Kelly Rent a Duplex ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1993.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Freak! Tony and Carol Won’t Let Kelly in Their House with Her Pierced Nose ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1993.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Fatso! Heather Gets a Job as a Stripper, But Kelly is Too Fat for That and Has to Move Back in With Tony and Carol Because Living on Her Own Is Too Expensive ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1993.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Open Your Eyes! Kelly Likes a Boy Named Glenn, and Carol Tells Her to Forget about Him, The Writing’s on the Wall ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1994.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. The Family Reunites! Heather Moves Back In ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1994.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Don’t Do It! Carol Talks Kelly out of Moving to Gainesville by Saying She Might Not Make It Financially on Her Own ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1995.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Crippling Fears! Heather Moves to Chicago, but Kelly Stays Behind Because She’s Afraid She Won’t Make It Financially on Her Own ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1995.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. The Family Reunites, Take Two! Heather Moves Back Home ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1995.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Say it Ain’t So! Heather Gets Pregnant, and Carol Tries to Talk Her into Having an Abortion ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1995.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Shotgun! Heather Marries John ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1995.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. The Prince Is Born! Heather Gives Birth to Ty, and He Becomes the Only Thing Carol Cares About ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1996.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Martyr! Carol Exhausts Herself Practically Raising Ty Because Heather Is Busy with Work, School, and a Social Life ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1996.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. You Did This! Ty Exhibits Developmental Disabilities, and Carol Blames Heather for Not Tending to His Needs ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1997.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Don’t Do It! Kelly and Glenn Schedule a Wedding Date, Carol Convinces Kelly They’re Not Ready, and Kelly Cancels the Wedding ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1997.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. But It’s Mother’s Day! Kelly and Glenn Marry, and Carol Is Angry Because the Wedding Is on Her Day ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1998.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. I Did My Time! Kelly Gets Pregnant, and Carol Says She Won’t Watch the Baby ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1998.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. No Time for You! Carol Spends the 1990s in Her Room Sleeping, Reading Books, and Watching Ty ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 1999.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Not This One, Either! Kelly Gets Pregnant Again, and Carol Makes It Clear She’s No Babysitter ed. Fort Lauderdale: Nothing But Regret, 2000.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Indentured Servant Number One! Tony and Carol Get Angry Because Kelly Grumbles about Being Asked to Drive Ten Miles to the Store Down the Street From Their House to Pick up Tony’s Prescriptions Because Carol Doesn’t Want to Get Out of Bed ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2002.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Indentured Servant Number Two! Tony and Carol Get Angry Because Heather Grumbles about Being Asked to Drive Ten Miles to Buy Ice Cream for Her Mom Because Carol Doesn’t Want to Get Out of Bed and Tony is Busy on the Computer ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2003.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Ungrateful Brats! Tony Loves to Say That When Kids Grow Up, They Turn Around and Kick You in the Ass ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2003.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Enough! Carol Tells Kelly She’s Been Breastfeeding Too Long Every Time They Interact ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2003.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Falling Apart! Carol and Kelly Have a Series of Fights Regarding Kelly’s Bad Attitude and Don’t Talk for Months at a Time ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2004.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Get Out! Tony Tells Kelly to Leave Carol Alone When She Stops by Their House in an Attempt to Reconcile ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2004.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Opportunity Knocks! Tony Moves to Las Vegas for Work Because He Can’t Get a Job in South Florida ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2005.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. I’m Free! After Months of Living Without Carol, Tony Wants a Divorce ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2005.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Grief Stricken! Carol Is Devastated about the Pending Divorce Even Though She and Tony Haven’t Interacted in Years ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2005.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Sorry about That! Carol Finally Gets Over Tony, Tony Changes His Mind, and Carol Lets Him Come Back ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2006.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Toodaloo! Heather and John Put a Deposit Down on a House in Charlotte, NC ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2006.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Tony and Carol Ask Heather Repeatedly if She’s Really Moving to Charlotte or if This is One of Her Crazy Ideas, and Heather Swears She’s Moving ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2006.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Not Without My Grandson! Carol Decides She Can’t Live Three States Away From Ty, Convinces Tony to Sell the House, and They Buy One Just Minutes from Heather’s Potential House in Charlotte ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2006.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Fuck That! Heather Freaks Out at the Prospect of Being the Only Daughter in a Town with Tony and Carol and Backs Out of the House in Charlotte ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2007.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Free at Last! Tony and Carol Move to Charlotte ed. Miramar: Nothing But Regret, 2007.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Broke! Tony and Carol Change Their Minds About the Modest House They Bought, Buy a Five Bedroom House Instead, and Go into Massive Debt Lavishly Furnishing Every Nook and Cranny ed. Charlotte: Nothing But Regret, 2007.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Help Us! Tony and Carol Must Rely on Money from Carol’s Cousin because Tony Can’t Find a Job in Charlotte, and Carol Claims She is not Mentally Fit to Work ed. Charlotte: Nothing But Regret, 2008.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Enough! Carol Divorces Tony Because He Hasn’t Worked in Almost Two Years and Pays His Bills with Credit Line Checks, and She Doesn’t Want Him Ruining Her Credit Score ed. Charlotte: Nothing But Regret, 2008.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Old Habits Die Hard! Carol Continues Living with Tony Because She’s Afraid Not To ed. Charlotte: Nothing But Regret, 2008.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. Heathens! Carol Comes to Visit Heather and Kelly and Shortens Her Stay From Two Months to Two Weeks Because They Make Her Nervous ed. Fort Lauderdale: Nothing But Regret, 2009.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. No Respect for You! Tony Barrages Kelly with Right Wing Emails, and When She Finally Asks Him to Stop, He Removes Her from His Address Book and Life ed. Charlotte: Nothing But Regret, 2010.

—. The McIntyres: A Tale of Dissatisfaction and Neverending Conflict. For the Best! Heather and Kelly Haven’t Spoken to Carol in an Unprecedented Nine Days, Realize She Must Have Written Them Off, and Decide Things Could Be Worse ed. Fort Lauderdale: Nothing But Regret, 2010.